Milo Sorghum: The Final Years

Milo Sorghum’s resurrection and final, fading years were spent with the pseudo farm editor, now a silver-crowned, crusty newsie in the service of the free-booting pirate publisher Billy Dean, Billy Dean in the far-away realm known only by the dreaded inituals ANG.


Milo, in the nether world since his contrived death at the hands of the pseudo farm editor’s henchman, would remain in printing purgatory for a few years as the editor toiled the hellish existence of a copy slave not too far removed from the life of the galley slaves of yore.


Instead of pulling at oars to the beat of the drums, urged on by the bite of the whips of the overseers, the copy slaves pulled at glowing boxes, hacking away at the offerings of cityside slaves, a floor below. The beat of the drum had been replaced by a series of deadlines, times certain and as inviolate as the speeds demanded in the galleys. The overseers were replaced by a copy sergeant and his band of bully-boy (and bully-girl) sidekicks whose main goal in life was to keep the poor copy slaves choping copy and slapping on headlines.


In the sanctuary of the copy slaves, there was a dark pall of cynicism and an air of smugness that was pervasive. It took our pseudo farm editor two years of toiling in this sad existence before he escaped and helped Milo live again.


One of the knights of the Kingdom of Billy Dean, Billy Dean, brokered the escape, offering the editor a chance to breathe in the cleaner air of another level of the ANG realm where writers toiled to create stories.

To encourage the writers to be more creative in their work, our hero decided to use a program of rewards that had worked for him at other newspapers. In those places, various colored stars, certificates of merit and ice cream cones were awarded those who went above and beyond the call of duty.

Ah, but it was not to be. A newly beknighted superior would not hear of spending any of the treasure of the dreaded King Billy Dean, Billy Dean on such frivolity. Our hero found himself lacking the resources to pay for medals, trophies, certificates, ice cream cones or even multi-colored stick-on stars.

It was at this point, that the spirit of Milo Sorghum rose from the ashes. Our hero devised a plan in which imaginary awards would be given those who deserved the ones denied them by the skinflint supervisor. A variety of Milo Sorghum awards were provided to the worthy -- handed down in e-mails and occasionally posted on the bulletin board.

The announcements went into great detail in descibing the type of imaginary jewels and metal in each prize, i.e. The Milo Sorghum Award for Valor, a beautifully worked gold-encrusted display of crossed heads of sorghum with two emeralds on each. The award can be worn as a medallion on a gold chain or as a broach.

Although our hero missed the days when reporters proudly displayed the varied colored stars -- red for good work, green for better work, silver for exceptional work and gold for the best -- on their computers in the style of football players using them as evidence of their tackles, passes, catches or sacks, he found the writers seemed pleased by the imaginary awards.

And so, in the final years of our hero's time in the newsroom in the Kingdom of Billy Dean, Billy Dean, the spirit of Milo Sorghum lived on. Finally, when our hero was knocked from his steed by the lance of one of the evil money counters of Billy Dean, Billy Dean, the second life of Milo Sorghum came to a close.

That has been several years. The farm editor imposter lives a quiet life, sometimes dreaming of the glory days when he and Milo battled through the newsrooms in a quest for excellence in agriculture and journalism.

Of late our hero has begun to wonder if Milo might make another appearance some day. After all, our hero has created a ficticious company that runs three ficticious ranches in California and Bana California.

Where could someone like Milo be more at home?